Not That Kind of Virgen

Editor's Note: The topic today is not for the underaged or those not interested in discussing online porn.

Good Morning -

I know I've mentioned before that I have a little stat counter on my page that tells me the cities and such of the people who have chanced upon my page. There are no names, and that's fine (best, really, considering what our topic will be today) - just the city, state, country, etc. of the people who clicked on my page.

I started the stat counter because I haven't advertised this page at all - not even to friends, barely to family - and was curious who would find it without any sort of promo. I work with youth who are incredibly tech-savvy and the last thing I'd want is for one of them to chance across my page. I hold firm boundaries around privacy (theirs and mine) with youth, so my personal blog is not anything they need to experience.

To that end, I've been careful not to name names or do anything that would bring this up in a Internet search for me (something these kids would do because they're good at it and they're curious and it's easy enough to Google someone and virtual is an acceptable mode of relating for them).

It's funny though, because with the stat counter, I can see not just the where of the people who found me, but the how. There's a link that shows what Internet searches led them to finding my blog.

When I first started looking at the stats, I was so impressed with the internationalness of my small group of voyeurs. Lebanon, Ecuador, Singapore, France, China - it was quite a global group.

How fascinating, I thought, to have all these people around the world looking for the Virgen of Guadalupe. I went on to rationalize that Mary is an international symbol - that Marian cultures and groups are wide-spread - so it made sense that they'd find her. I had thought when I named my blog that spelling Virgin the Spanish way would eliminate any confusion with the Anglo Mary or anyone trying to find virgins of the xxx variety, so I decided that all those international folks really were looking for info on the Virgen de Guadalupe.

Silly me. A few weeks later, I chanced upon the link on the stat page that shows the how of a visitor to my page. Here are the searches that landed folks on my page, ranked from most common to least:
1. virgen girls
2. a virgen a day
3. hot virgens
4. virgen off
5. female animal virgen pic
6. looking for a cause a virgen a day
7. virgen scissor drink
8. coronado beach photography
9. "palo verde beetle" "swamp cooler" (not a good situation, to be sure)
10. $5. for palo verde beetle ($5? - come to Tucson, they're free)
11. virgen girls
12. my precious virgen
13. female virgen cream
14. hot virgen
15. no one loves me anna singapore (prize for most random...)
16. our tops beach me
17. virgen hot
18. baby through PA
19. hot virgen
20. hot virgen girls that can't take it
21. avirgenaday
22. animal crossing "biggest bug" best size
23. virgen photo xxx .com
24. palo verde beetle in swamp cooler
25. virgen girls first time
26. virgens getting laid
27. virgens group
28. http://avirgenaday.blogspot.com/
29. hot girls with virgen men
30. tight virgen
31. BRACES "BOTTOM TEETH" (seeker's emphasis)
32. facebook aspie (I don't know what that means. Facebook, yes. Aspie, no.)

I know I've discussed this before, but how must it be for the person in Pakistan or Belgium or Chicago who is online looking for porn to see "a virgen a day", think "jackpot!", and then click on the link and see pictures of Virgen of Guadalupe tiles and long, silly stories that tend towards verbosity?

Here's where I admit that I hope at least some of these men (just statistically we can be safe here and say the seekers using phrases like "tight virgen" are men - gay or straight - but men) either were raised Catholic in a Latino home or still consider themselves Catholic and feel a wave of deep remorse and shame when they pull up an image of the Virgen of Guadalupe while searching for porn. Here's where I hope it creates a moment of poignant self-reflection that leads them off-line.

I know this can stir the bee's nest. I know that if anyone besides my sister or partner ever commented on this page, I might get some "back off of online porn, it's a safe and healthy outlet" remark. I know and I might agree.

It's not that people were searching for images of women who have never had sex having it for the first time, it's that my so-not-porn page was being read as potential porn, and it's the virgin bit.

Imagine trying to talk about something that matters to you, only to have the person you're talking to ignore your words while they strip you with their eyes, sexualize, and objectify you. That's how it feels to realize that the majority of hits on my page are the result of people looking for virgen sex and thinking that they've found a page that features a different virgen each day having sex for the first time.

I'm sitting here trying to talk about the trivialities of my life - trying to make some sense of my little corner of the world - and the majority of people I've reached aren't interested in that at all. They're looking for porn and thought I was porn. I'm not porn. She's not that kind of Virgen.

So there's that.

There's also the power differential implied in the virgin sex fantasy. There's something that feels not okay about men (again, join me in this assumption) getting off on women having sex for the first time. Maybe I'm painting the porn industry with an undeserved belief, but I'm inclined to imagine that scenes of virgins having sex for the first time aren't composed of gentle, passionate, patient, mutual, consensual sex.

No, it's probably either more like the school-girl model, in which the young (like looks barely legal or consensual) woman holds a balance between dirty vixen and innocent girl and the man conquers her, wiping out the innocent and firmly setting the vixen, or the flat-out non-consensual in which the protesting innocent is forced into sex by the powerful man who knows it's exactly what she needs.

Why is it that the idea of "deflowering" a woman (mostly women, though also gay men) is seen as such a turn-on? What is it about being the first? I have an image of little boys who've learned that they can use their penises as hoses and run around spraying and marking everything like feral cats - it feels like the same energy. Ha! Mine! Ha! Mine too!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe one of the people looking for "virgen girls first time" would like to chime in and explain their healthy and respectful reasons for liking this type of porn. Maybe, but I doubt it. Anonymity is a key get-off element to online sex seekers.

So - that's our Virgen today. The image is from some cherry-flavored alcohol ad, which seemed appropriate on a variety of levels.

Here's to that. Here's to things that are appropriate.


Boris update. Doing better - so much so that he has the energy not only to be outside with me while I photograph my tile, but also enough energy to turn away from the camera in a display of modesty.