Resiliency

Good Morning -

According to Rob: Resilience is a quality that allows you to rise above setbacks and find resources in unexpected places. It's a willful instinct to seek the higher ground and a bigger vision. It's intensely practical, because it shushes the nagging voices in your head that make negative interpretations of your experience, thereby allowing you to act courageously in your own best interests. This is Resilience Week for you, Leo. Call on your dormant reserves.

I just don't know how I feel about this. I was actually feeling pretty resilient and zen-like until I read this yesterday and saw another week of setbacks.

And it would have to be setbacks because one doesn't need resiliency in the face of joy. One doesn't need to shore up one's foundation and call on dormant reserves in response to exceedingly wonderful news.

No - it is in trials, and times of trying patience that one needs bounce-back.

Sigh.

Remember how I told you yesterday about all the packets of info on myself that I had spent Sunday creating and sending out electronically? Well, I woke yesterday morning to an email from one saying that the position was filled but the best of luck to me.

I responded with a "thanks" and "feel free to keep my info on file."

She responded with a "will do" and "keep your eye out on this site for other positions with us."

I responded with a "thanks."

I looked on the site that she mentioned they post positions on and found a few others that looked promising. Having learned that these organizations aren't necessarily good about going back and deleting filled positions, though, I emailed the most promising and asked if it was still open. I didn't want to go through the work I did on Sunday just to get back a 5-second email stating that it was no longer open - the effort just doesn't match up and doesn't feel good.

I got an email back saying that they had an "overwhelming" response to their posting, so, no, it wasn't open still (that's a problem I'd like to have - an "overwhelming" response to the apps I send out - "My goodness! I've just gotten so many excellent offers and am going to have to sit and think for a bit on exactly which one to take..." - let's make that happen, Universe, hmm?)

I responded to this woman as well, complimented them by saying it was a tribute to the good work they do and how they do that good work that they had such a response, thanked her for her time and went on my way.

So - that's all pretty resilient and I was feeling pretty good. It was another painfully busy day at work, but I felt in flow with it.

Then I got Rob's horrorscope in my email and felt as if the Universe had just taken its big heavy paw and pushed my shoulders down into a hunch.

Call on my dormant reserves? Brother - I don't know what I've got left. It's been a long winter and I've used most of what was put up in my pantry of optimism and go get 'em.

Pre-Rob, I had printed out some other positions from this site that looked promising, but I couldn't bring myself to work on them last night. I was having a little PTSD around thinking, "I have to send my info right now because otherwise the position will fill and it'll be over! O-ver!!!" (so a little dramatic, but about right).

I didn't want to honor that rush-rush fear, and was exhausted and tired of writing ads about myself, so it wasn't much of a choice not to do the apps and feed the "hurry! now!" fear. I half-heartedly took them to the living room with me, where I promptly fell asleep on the couch as they collected dust on the coffee table.

This morning, though, I'm thinking I should send some off. The resumes for the couple of positions I have in my "apply" pile could come from previous ones with a little tweaking, and even the cursed cover letter could be done fairly quickly.

I just don't want to bounce back and back and back and back again. I want grace with this. I don't want to feel like I did when I bungee jumped out of a hot-air balloon as a freshmen in college - jerked and bounced and swung all through the air (fun for that, not fun for this).

That's why you see the image of the woman in Renaissance painting style robing floating through the air for the Virgen. I don't want to bounce and bounce and bounce until, like an overused rubber band, I either snap or become too extended to be effective. I want to move with grace and style and ease and purposefulness.

We'll see how that goes.

Here's to grace, which is what my nickname means. Here's to smooth progress. Here's to having so many excellent offers, the work is in deciding which to accept.